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Monthly Archives: July 2014

So It is over…

So It is over…

The day i thought it was over between the both of us.. Well, obviously it wasn’t really over.. It was just the day when saying that to him seemed like a simpler option..
I kept believing all these days that there was still a way we could get back together.. Well, you know people, that’s the worst phase, not completely stopping..  You can’t push the break and still expect the car to run.. It just won’t… I deleted his contact from my phone and just yesterday when i saved it back, i saw his display picture on whats app with his ex..
I felt a sudden rush of i don’t know what.. Lol.. All of this is very new to me.. As he would always tell me, ‘you’re just 19’.. Well that’s what i told myself when i could not figure out the dilemma.. But after a few minutes all i just did was playing some super awesome songs and dancing like i didn’t care and well i was just wondering if i was celebrating the moment, when i finally knew he’s not holding onto me or if it was the only way to stay grounded and not fall apart, only way to explode the hope and stop believing..
Sometimes in life, you just won’t be okay.. Its a constant fight between what you are and what you have to be… And we always choose to be the latter coz we are too scared to be ourselves.. But then that’s how you will grow into being the best of yourself… ‘Having to be’ will just not let u understand yourself.. So next time when you fall and you feel pain, shout and express it.. Bcoz its completely alright.. You are acting human and that’s not a crime.. If the others are human to, they’d sympathise with you instead of making fun..  Don’t be scared of those idiot who’d laugh.. Well they have nothing better to do so that’s how they make themselves happy… Yeah, but remember to get up, its okay to ask for a bit of help but the walking is an independent    activity and on the way remember to be glad, that you made a few people laugh.. So it can’t be that bad…
Be you.. Its okay to be stupid.. To fall apart, to cry, to be weak but then one day all those things just fall into place and you evolve to be a better person..
And for now, i’m planning to delete his contact forever, i’ll need time to figure out but yes i won’t run away from the fact that i’m in pain but this thing also teaches you that pain stops nothing.. You still breathe, your heart still beats for you, it’s just that your mind becomes to blinded to realise it… I believe, its this constant fight towards realising that and then all you would be feeling is ‘”GRATEFUL”

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Be you.. Just breathe sometimes and tell yourself "its okay"

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2014 in life, love

 

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A sister’s poem ( i posted this on fb last year, on my brother’s bday)

And what do i say… MY bro, my strongest pillar who supports me most of the times wen i am wrong  and believes that i must experience this world through my own eyes!!!! sometimes u can just say a few things only for me to realize i wanted to hear exactly just that… There are things i have learnt frm u that make me a better person today.. Bt all of this is sumthin every girl in my place wud have said about a bro like u…but U c sweety i gotta b a lil ‘hatke’ just so that u knw i deserve a bro u… N then again a genuine part widin me says that i’d nevr b able to prove that… So lets just try!!!

Well, since the time i learnt to remember memories,
You were always around to ask me not to freeze…

Times wen v went to school together,
And i’d yell at you, coz mst of the times we’d miss the prayer…

How i wish to get those moments back,
And live it , remembering that it was never coming back!!!

Those million times i irritated you and a thousand times u were upset wid me,
It strengthened our bond, and u had to take all the blame,
coz i was too good wid my game…  

And bro you are everythin i wud have asked for,
That person up there loves me, and u r the greatest proof i’d forever c!! 

I’d fight my greatest battles, excitedly!!!,
Remembering i’ll be gettin back home to tell u all abt my stupidity… 

And all those sisters out there have every reason to envy me….
Well, i have the coolest bro, why not bet and we shall c!!

Times wen i posted things on your wall, 
And you’d comment sacastically , n i’d delete the post afterall…

I know you don’t like PDA… But common its your bday!!! ( haila!! Yeh bhi rhyme hua  ) 

You better comment sumthin gud, orelse i won’t serve you food !!!  

Hehe.. P.s- i love you !!

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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A little something that i wrote for my best friend and her boyfriend on their 1st anniversary..

Since the time wen i understood my bestie i knew she would be the worlds most apt girlfriend.. And every guy on earth wud b the luckiest to have her… Wen she would speak about how she doesn’t believe in the fact that good men exist, i knew there’s gonna be a guy who’s gonna change her life upside down, make her steady..make her believe.. Make her love..
   Near that pool wen i asked her to say a ‘yes’ in there for a moment i knew its gonna change all our lives… I have never seen her this happy, this contented, this complete untill u came in sounak… A small part of me did know that you wud matter a lot in her life n slowly her focus would shift from us but then i was happy to give that away.. She was focusing on herself!! She is so much better and emotionally stable now.. U r all in her talks, words, expressions.. As if you had always been there.. Always wid us.. i can’t think of a moment wen aaru was not in luv, she does that the best, lovin, caring and being herself.. Crazy crack head… More than my own love life, i wud forever protect your relationship… I promise to always stand up for you guys, whenever i need to.. U guys inspire me to believe.. To love and to hope… Sumday i’m gonna make that guy meet u guys n tell him all i want is to b like you guys… And he’s gonna love you both so much and for that reason i love him already :)…
    Never in my worst nightmares i can c u guys gettin away frm each other… Each day your love grows and so does my hope.. Sumday i am gettin my wifey to you.. Willingly lettin u take away my place.. While you’ll b waitin on the other end… I promise to travel that road with her while she reaches you, to forever belong to you… Officially ;)… A very happy anniversary wifey n jiju… May you guys forever remain happy and complete… I promise to cherish every moment while i c u guys growin into each other.. Aur kya bolu ‘ bas nazar naa lage’ :*

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Picturesss

Was just going through my old pictures and there was this constant smile on my face… Sometimes its weird how we forget how wonderfully we have lived.. Every moment seems like it had just happened yesterday.. We were that young and stupid and no 1 cared.  The best part was that ‘we’ did not care.. Now we just keep missing moments coz we are too occupied with the thinking part of it.. When did we become so tensed and feared to ‘live’.. How come its so difficult to remind yourself a moment when you cared less and lived more.. Why is it that we are constantly finding and losing ourselves at the same time… I believe the stuff that you know about yourself is enough to define you.. There’s nothing to dig in… For god sakes, we are not a piece of land.. Just make peace with whats on top and let the rest just breathe.. And then eventually you would just figure out and unwind the mysteries encircling you..

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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If only..

If only, i could tell you, How much i miss you.. Every time i close my eyes, i see us having our amazing moment… A place where no 1 disturbs and everything is happy to watch us belong together… I feel a weird emptiness since the last time we spoke… The last time we met, we hugged, kissed and you told me u love me while i was just wondering if i could stay this way, in your arms forever.. Its difficult to accept, the other day u just said you aren’t sure if you love me.. That was just not acceptable..
If only i would have stopped you from meeting that bitch.. Who tries to get you back by blackmailing you.. Sayin she’d drink bagon n m like ”gimme a break”..
Its weird that the bagon drinking bitch wins..
Wonder wat happens next after the bagon digests… Lol.. If only i could fight the weirdness.. If only i had the courage to call u n ask if things can ever be the way they were… If only i could hope again.. Have faith in the fact that we were meant to be..  That the connection we felt happens once in a lifetime.. N you would fight equally hard to sustain it.. But i guess it all just boils down to ‘if only’..
If only i could drink bagon for u, i’d be in your life.. I believe.. But i’d prefer a regular intake of food instead of having a pesticide… I’ll find a remedy for these hurting and stinking feelings  .. A better remedy than bagon.. Well i believe that’s why i don’t deserve you, coz m the girl  who finds a better remedy than a pesticide, to deal with her feelings.. I choose to act more matured.. Even when you fell for my stupidity..i choose to be a better person.. N somewhere out there, there’s this amazing guy waiting for me… Who must be wondering why he’s been single all this time even after being so absolutely charming .. N i’d be a perfect answer to all his amazement 😉

 
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Posted by on July 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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The guy who never replied

Today i write an email to this guy who never quite replied to my texts and because once he told me he never ignores his mail.. So just in the hope that this mail of mine will find some ‘peace’ of his mind.. I write this..
Dear Mr. Busy,
    I decide to let go..  Today your ex asked you to get back into her life and all you could tell her was, ” i am confused”.. So when you held me in your cabin, what was all that?! I did not find confusion..
You told me you understand what i am going through.. I so wish you did, because if that was the case, you would have lied to me, told me that u asked her to leave your life… But you chose to hurt me with the truth instead..
She’s messed, she’s not finding a job, she has problems, well sure as hell she does but aren’t we all going through this same shit.. How come is it that i never crossed your mind when you wished to shower people with sympathy..
I visualised dreams having you and me.. Always wondered I’ll share it with you when the right time arrives but then there is this one thing that won’t happen.. The right time just never really arrives.. The moment was just never meant to be or just couldn’t be..
I let you go because she needs you more than i do.. I would grow in your love but she would bask in it..
If i had you, each morning i couldn’t watch the guilt in your eye that screams to me saying,”she needs me”.. Because again you’d ignore that look in my eye that says,”just stay.. I need you too” and i’d just give you away in the hope that someday you’d just go back to the moment and re-read the look in my eye and know, that we were meant to be..
Sincerely,
The girl you never really loved.
http://theguywhoneverrepliedback

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At times the real challenge is to be the stronger person and to decide to ‘let go’ off something that chooses to do no good to you..

 
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Posted by on July 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Transforming

people talk about new year resolutions n stuff but i have a rather different question for u guys and that is, “what was it that this year taught you?” well since its my question i’d like to answer it 1st!! And i learnt that life goes on no matter what…..people are like oxygen, they help u live but that does not mean u trap the oxygen!!!!!! cause it wud lead to suffocation and rather just leave anf breathe sum new air, wud seem more refreshing n easy!!!! to all my old friends as well as the new ones thanx a lot for makin my year so special u guys left me breathless!!!!!!!!!!!!! huh!! 😉

 
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Posted by on July 8, 2014 in Uncategorized